Epic Crossover of History
It all started with a debate. The loser lost. So his father, who was a samurai with a breastplate reading "I'm Joseph Smith CLXVII, and I'm a Mormon." came and knifed him. Then more Mormon samurai fell from the sky. Chicken Little shouted "The sky is falling!" But then Darth Vader came on the Executor and repaired the Sky. But in the process he obliterated the planet Uranus. So he brought Endor (the planet) and its six moons to replace it. To fulfill the number of moons Uranus previously had, he used the cloning facilities on Kamino to clone the six moons of Endor. But that in turn launched the Clone Wars. So the Confederacy of Independent States declared war on the American Republic. But then Grievous returned from the dead, so Hades had to unleash his army of zombies, in the process running Nico di Angelo over with a KAMAZ truck driven by Hamilton Holt. But that didn't help, so Grievous engaged in a battle with his one-time student and later best friend Jefferson Starkiller. But Jeff fell into the fiery pits of Afghanistan. So Emperor Papaltine (not Palpatine) rescued him and rebuilt him as Darth Vadis. But then someone remembered that Emperor Papaltine couldn't be until after the Clone Wars. So Matt Smith degenerated back into the Tenth Doctor, and David Tennant, who was the most epic Doctor ever, took Papaltine with him to the future, and brought back Chancellor Benedict, who was secretly orchestrating everything with the Boston Pops from Romuscant. So then Darth Vader needed to use the bathroom while he was leading the Republic so he went to a Porta Potty. But it was really the TARDIS. We'll go back to that later. Meanwhile, Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD sued the Doctor for stealing their idea of degeneration, causing David Smith-Tennant to generate into the Twelfth Doctor, leaving Lloyd and Peter with no one to sue. Inside the TARDIS, there was a long line to use the little villain's room. So Darth Vader went to the front of the line and shoved the Terminator (from Terminator) away. But the Terminator reformed into a good guy (as the Terminator from Terminator 2) and pushed Darth Vader to the Rancor. He said: "Hasta la vista, baby." But then, Darth Vader said "I'll be back!" as he fell to the rancor. But it turned out that Biff Tannen, who was in line in front of the Terminator, had thrown Marty McFly to the Rancor. Then Darth Vader came back on McFly's hoverboard, dangling McFly (who looked very much like Luke Skywalker) by the ankle, and said, "Who threw my son to the Rancor?" Then Darth Vadis came, and saw Darth Vader, and vice versa, and Vader promptly forgot about Marty Skywalker and dropped him to the Rancor. Darths Vadis and Vader engaged in a fight, wherein Gandhi came and said "Violence is not the answer." And then Batman said "Who are you?" He said, "I'm Ben K--" Darth Vader thought he was Ben Kenobi and killed him by beheading him. Then he returned to Darth Vadis, who said in his twangy Southern accent, "Kill me, as you have killed those before me and after me." He threw him to the Rancor. Outside, Marty McFly found out that the Rancor was really a tunnel to China. They exited in Foshan while Ip Man was beating the Japanese clone general at the end of the first film. However, as Sato shoots Ip, Marty and Vadis are caught in the crossfire. Vadis changes history by choking Sato before Lin can kill him, changing history. Thanks to Vadis' heroic actions, England and France recognize the CIS as an independent entity and the Clone Wars end. Chancellor Benedict faces a vote of no confidence and Bail Organa replaces him as the Chancellor of the Galactic Republic. George Lucas ends his original plans for Episode III and is forced to rewrite the last film. With Bail Organa as Chancellor, Marty McFly, Luke Skywalker, George Washington, EpicLLOYD, and Charles Darwin travel to an alternate universe and bring back Chancellor Palpatine. He is, however, executed by Darth Tyranus upon coming back to the home timeline because the DeLorean accidentally landed them in CIS territory in Mexico. He held Washington, McFly, Skywalker, Lloyd, and Darwin prisoner in Guaymas, but then General of the Union Army Darth Vader rescued them and then led a campaign into the CIS territory. English MI6 Agent Bond, James Bond then proceeded to be elected Prime Minister of England. He turned around on the CIS and declared a state of Ultimate Bondness. Then he left England to film Skyfall, but Dr. No took over England and led the country into a state of anarchy. Suddenly, Gandalf the White came from Middle-earth to Normal-earth and declared that Hobbits should not be allowed to be legal citizens of any country. After Chancellor Organa was assassinated in 1537 ADY, Gandalf was elected Chancellor of the Republic. He then declared the WWW (eWok World Web) an illegal alien racist organization and banished them to the Empire of Endor. However, Endor could not endure anymore E-Woks and forced the E-Woks into concentration camps. Awok Hitle then invaded all of Europe, so Bond, James Bond had to return to protect his England. In the meantime, the Union campaign into the CIS led to the elimination of both armies. Then Tyranus was forced to execute Grievous for grieving over the loss of his army. Then the almighty Zeus dropped Mount St. Helens on top of Tyranus. However, when Percy Jackson made the place explode while filming Battle of the Labyrinth (this is a Steven Spielberg non-crappy loyal film), Tyranus escaped. He turned to a life of business and moved to the Muppet's Republic of Sesame. At the Republic, he changed his name to Count von Dookie, and moved in with Count von Count, where he learned to Count. He then started filming the television show Muppet Empire, with the slogan You can't be half a monster. However, General Public of Left-earth deemed it too scary and thus Sesame Street was established in 1624 ADY. In China, Ip Man and his Kuomintang defeated the English western boxers, thus starting China's isolation period, so filming for the 2010 Karate Kid was cancelled and replanned for four hundred years later in 2010 ADY instead of 1610 ADY. Meanwhile, the Union Army had been reestablished. General Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Indiana Jones, Marty McFly, and Ip Man set off to conquer the CIS. They did so, and reannexed the nation. Then they remembered there was a Mormon campaign. However, Darth Vader was forced to leave after Abramus Lincolnium was assassinated by Jewub. The next in line was Jones, Indiana Jones. He took contol of the army and invaded the Mormon Right-earth. However, after conquering Utah-right-earth, he suffered a personality split and briefly regenerated into Han Solo. However, in 1218 ADY, Darth Kronos froze General Solo in carbonite and became MIlitary Governor of utah-right-earth, thus becoming an MiG. However, General "Seaweed" Jackson of the Camp of Independent Demigods (CID) overthrew him after killing Luke Not-Skywalker Castellan, who was hosting the Sith governor. After Not-Skywalker was killed, General Jackson was mistaken for a Roman general and captured and sent to Nebraska where he stayed at the Coyote House and was trained by Coyotus. Meanwhile, Indiana Jones resolved himself and split into two seperate people. Han Solo left for the galaxy far, far away, and Indiana Jones went back to the future to fight Nazis in 1133 ADY. However, Awok Hitler became Fuhrer of the Galaktisreich. All the Ewoks and Wookies were confined to concentration camps like kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school, college, university, remedial school, boarding school, and military school, where they were forced to concentrate. The Hitler hit her and James Bond killed Awok Hitler during his time serving in the Soviet Army. However, the greatest person in history was elected Chancellor of China in 3311 ADY: General Tso. Then, Colonel Sanders assassinated him because he could not stand other people selling chicken. He also went Back to the Future in 1769 ADY and killed Chancellor Zulu of the Republic. Mr. T then pitied the fool who tried to step on Clubber Lang and clubbed Colonel Sanders to death. Then he was accused of committing a crime they didn't commit. King Kong of Kongo won the General Emergency Elections (son of General Tso) but he accidentally sat on the Emergeny Blow Up Earth Button. The Gods tried to stop him, but they were blown up too. Lucas realized he had the whole thing on film and made it into Episode III: Revenge of the Writer's Block =''THE END''= Chancellors of the Republic *Finish Decorum *Benedictine *Bail Organa (assassinated) *Gandalf the White *Sherlock of Holmes *Dr. No *Dr. Moriarty *Abraham Lincoln *Darth Vader *Awok Hitler (killed) *Baromney (suicide) *Thomas Jefferson (resigned) *Napoleon (exiled by Genghis Khan) *Genghis Khan (killed) *Bill Gates (left politics for Windows of opportunity) *Steve Jobs (died) *The Thirteenth Doctor (regenerated into Mr. Rogers, resigned) *Kim John-Ill (fell ill and died) *Mr. T (pitied the fool) *Ben Franklin (lightning shocked) *Shaka Zulu (assassinated) *King Kong Chancellors of China *Ip Man *Bruce Lee *Jackie Chan *Jaden Smith *General Tso (assassinated) Category:Crackfic Category:Crossovers Category:One-shot Category:X Yman